You Are Good At Chess...Right?

Today I ended a relationship with someone that I love and adore very much. Sometimes you have to walk away from the things that you love to allow for growth and if it comes back to you then it was meant for you and if it doesn't....well you know the rest. I am so torn because if I would have to get married to someone tomorrow I KNOW in my heart he would be the one, but I don't know my role in his life. The crazy thing is, that up until last week or so, things had been perfect between us, we had been communicating, and we went on a trip to NY and things were good. But we had a situation to which I said one thing but expected another with the hopes that he would do what I expected. I realize now that maybe I should have just said what I wanted so that he could have a better understanding of what he needed to do. But part of me just wanted him to step up and have my back and look out for my best interests. I am appreciative of the growth he has displayed, but I want more, and I don't feel bad for saying that.

Then here comes something completely unexpected...another man. Someone who sees my worth, and is not afraid to love me, and has no boundaries when it comes to making me happy...so why I am so conflicted? Because of 4 years of being with someone, knowing them more than they know themselves at times, feeling secure and complete when you are in their arms, having movie nights and fighting over snacks, having discussions over Love and Hip Hop, attending Fetish Balls together, the late nights and early mornings...all of that has me wondering? Did I make the right decision? This is your shout out CB, I love you and I know you can't give me the world, but it doesn't mean that you can't try! If this is what you want then you are going to have to fight for us, and you are not willing to then I know where we stand and I will continue to do me...your move.

Check Please!!!!

So basically I had a man grab my ring finger and tell me to get it measured because I am his future wife and he is ready...well not completely, but that's a whole different blog! Really, does a man really know only after just being in your presence for lets say...a couple of days? Then here comes the gifts...which by the way I am not use to AT ALL, so I don't even know how to receive it. I have been conditioned to expect to receive gifts on holidays only and if a man is giving you random gifts, he must want something in return. I don't get that vibe from him though, I really feel that he enjoys watching me be happy, when I smile, he smiles!

I must admit that my wall is up though, I mean I am not even completely out of one situation, and I really don't know what I am doing, but it feels so good. Something new, exciting, nothing routine about what I am doing right now and this is the first time that I am not worried about anyone elses feelings, I am putting my feelings first....and it feels sooooo damn good!!!!

I know what I want and that is to be with someone that wants to grow and is attentive to the things I feel passionate about, such as stability,education, and marriage. It feels good to know that there are men out there that find the way that I think attractive, just as much as they are attracted to my physical being.  One thing I know is that, dude you definetely have my attention, and I am checking for you....now who mad???

Girl Power!!!!

So my homegirl Ashly Raynette got me to thinking, how awesome would it be for us to start some sort of club, in which women with the same focus and interests can come together and enjoy all that Saint Louis, or any other city has to offer.  We could be the Sex in the City the Saint Louis Edition! I am very big on giving any woman recognition whether its with a compliment about a fierce pair of shoes she is wearing, telling a friend good job on being an awesome mom, or leaving a singing telegram on my besties voice mail just to tell them I love them (Kita and Tiara yall know all about that).

So lets do it, I know everyone has very busy lifestyles, but think about it.  We are so busy with the kids and our men, or work and school, when do we really have time to chill with the girls? I honestly don't feel that hanging out with your girls once maybe every three months is acceptable.  Men will make time to hang with the boys, they don't give a damn, but somehow they will reserve time with the boys every week, I don't see why we can't take the initiative to at least have a bi-weekly outing.

Feel free to email me ideas for activities, but this is something I really want to get a jump start on because summer is fast approaching and there will be plenty to do.  Here are some ideas to brainstorm:

1. Twilight Tuesdays
2. Shoe Parties (i dont mean the shoe ordering parties, I mean put on a pair of your most funkiest heels and we are going to sip wine and discuss how fire they are)
3. Book Clubs
4. Salsa Dancing at Viva
5. Pole Dancing classes
4. Roller Skating (come on now yall know I'm still learning)

These are just suggestions, I look forward to hearing your ideas too! Email me at ericashaw82@gmail.com

When Your 10% Isn't Good Enough

While having a discussion at my uncle's repass, I learned that Friendly Temple Church requires you to provide them with your W-2 when you become a member of the church.  After hearing this someone yelled "Erica close your mouth" because my jaw was on the floor! So I have to provide you with my W-2 so that you can be aware of my earnings, and therefore know how much I'm supposed to be tithing?  So if I'm only able to tithe 5% this month, do I get kicked out of the church? Am I the only one that has a problem with this? I am very obedient when it comes to tithing, and eventhough I'm not able to attend church regularly because of my job, I still send my tithes to the church.  It is so easy for us to spend $100 on a pair of shoes, but then we shortchange the collection plate when it comes around.

Keep in mind, my aunt has been a member for 5 years and tithes on a regular basis as well.  She informed her pastor of my uncles passing, and I found it to be funny that Friendly Temple did not send any auxilary from the church and no one expressed their condolesences until 5 minutes before the funeral started, via over the phone. Something tells me that if my aunt's W-2 represented the earnings of an upper class individual and not that of a middle class individual, there would have been representation at the funeral home.  I feel that this church is not only requesting W-2s of their members to see how much everyone should tithe, but to also diffrentiate the "big spenders" from the "common folk".  That is disgusting to me! This is why I choose to avoid megachurches, because I want to be seen as more than just my social security #.  I love the fact that my pastor knows me and my daughter by name, and she is ready and available for her members, not just sending auxilary, but SHE shows up and shows out!

If you attend Friendly Temple, please don't be offended, I am merely stating my opinion about the tithing process in comparison to what the Bible states.  And I didn't see where it said that financial documents had to be provided to the church.  One thing should be noted is that the pastor of the church does seem to use the money towards building the surrounding community, and I have a tremendous respect for that.  Whether you are a tither or a tipper, I feel that you have to be very tactful in your approach when you are educating your congregation about the importance of tithing, and asking for a W-2 just seems tacky to me.

Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program

So I know I've been gone for awhile, lately I just have'nt t been motivated to write about anything good or bad.  Then of course you always have idiots lurking on your page and being extra, shouts out to Shekinah Brown (yes you are the idiot that I was referring to) Initially I scrapped my old blog because my boyfriend felt that I was putting too much out there, but dude you run your mouth waaaaay too much to people about our personal business, claiming that you are getting "insight". So starting today my page is back in full effect and if anyone has a problem with what I write about, COME SEE ME, so I can tell you that I don't care, in person. I want people to be able to relate to the issues that I talk about and feel good knowing that its someone out here going through the same thing, and I could possibly offer a resolution as well.

So the night before my uncle's funeral, I was really in my feelings and before I knew it the tears were rolling down my face quicker than I could catch them.  So I was going to meditate, and I was like no this is deeper than meditation.  So I got on my knees and just started talking to GOD, keep in mind I started praying around 10:30 when I got off of my knees, it was after 1:00 am???? Where did THAT time go??? I seriously felt like I was praying for 20 minutes, not 3 hours!!!  And  my knees wasn't even hurting when I got up!!! Lol
I've never experienced anything like that before, and let me tell you, I LOVED IT! I feel as I draw closer to GOD, he is going to pull me away from everyone and everything that is not for me.  So I'm just going to sit back and let HIM do HIS thang because me trying to control everything is not a good look, and its not working either.

Things are going to be different, because with me being the type of person that I am, there is no reason why i should be unhappy, especially when I'm so easy to please.  Going forward the ONLY person that is worthy of my time and energy is Jordyn. My baby and I are so in tune with each other, she knows when I'm not my best.  She is not a selfish child, she understands when mommy doesn't have enough money to give her EVERYTHING she asks for.  She is patient, I couldn't have ever imagined that GOD would bless little old me with something so special.  Jordy J you are the only thing in this world that I feel that I've done right I love you.

So my blog is back and it will be raw, I will talk about everything from love  to relationships, sex, to tithing in church...if you have any topics that you want to hear about, feel free to email them to me at ericashaw82@gmail.com. Until then, stay tuned!

Anti-Valentines Day

So it looks like I will be spending Valentine's Day with Jordy J this year, and trust me, I'm not mad about it at all.  I ordered her skates and we are going skating to celebrate! If you are single on Valentine's Day, please don't spend the entire day feeling sad or depressed when you see all of your co-workers receive gifts or flowers. I actually considered sending my ex something just to let him know " Hey,No hard feelings" but fuck all of that!!!! I think I would do better by sending the person who has been healing my open wounds something special. Anyway I just wanted to share some things you should not do tomorrow if you are single....

Single-Awarness Day

1. Please do not watch Lifetime, Oxygen, or any station that will do full marathons of chic flicks and romance novel turned movies...its not a good look.

2. Do not call an ex under any circumstances

3. Steer clear of male/female bashing friends, this is not healthy

4. Kill the alcohol! Alcohol is a depressant so after you come down, you will get in your feelings and make drunk phone calls or texts (refer to # 2)

5. Whatever you decide to do make it fun, hell you have been single for 45 days this year, so why trip off of one day?

Me and the love of my life!!!!

I'M BACKKKKKKK!!!!!!

It's good to be back...so the last week for me has been pretty good.  I got to kick it with my family for SuperBowl Sunday, and I also attended a Parkway Reunion which was off da chain! Shouts out to Parkway West c/o 2000...c/o 1999 you guys can have a honorable mention. So why am I up at 2:30 in the morning? The usual insomnia, too much emotional garbage in my head, thus preventing me from sleeping. I am happy for the eight followers that I have, but one of you is VERY, how shall i say this, SUSPECT??

Anyway my focus this week is : To become a better listener

I have learned that to become a good listener, it is important for me to understand things that were preventing me from being a good listener in the first place. When I am very passionate about something it is a habit for me not to listen if you are talking about something that I disagree with. This month I will try to not let my attitude about the speaker or my personal feelings about what they are saying, interfere with my listening. I challenge you this week to find one weakness that you have and turn it into something that you can excel at.

I am going to try to make this blog as positive as I can, it's a challenge though.  It is much easier to express negative thoughts, more so than positive ones.  But I don't mind working on self-improvement one day at a time...are you up for the challenge?