Are You Worthy?

Jill Scott said it best "I making you wait, never too late, I need to know if you're worthy". I didn't even realize it, but my chastity belt is on until I find someone that is worthy of "gettin it". I think there must be something in me that oozes that I'm easy, because it is so EASY for a man to call me to ask if we can get it in, even when his behavior doesn't even get me remotely wet. Or when married men try to act as if they are genuinely concerned about your well being, but you are really just trying to sample a little bit then retreat home to your "unfortunate situation". If another married man comes at me I will blast you on Facebook and then tag your wife!!!! Try me if you don't believe in me. I don't mean to sound so angry, but good gravy!!!! I mean really it has to get better than this.


I know that I am far from perfect, but I don't mislead people and I am very direct. You will never have to know what I am thinking because I am probably going to tell you before the thought even goes to my head. ladies don't sell yourself short, make these men get out here and work for it. Part of the reason why I am in this reassessment phase of my life, is because "I did too much", this has resulted in me going from being a submissive and loving partner, to someone who could care less. So this will be my focus area going forward, I don't believe that you should change who you are, just because you come across a few rotten apples, but I have changed and I don't know how to embrace the "old me" because the "new me" feels so damn good.

Flame

Someone from my past recently visited my job and found out that I worked there. We engaged in small conversation, and ended up walking right into my ex. Can we say awkward?? Eventhough our situation was "complicated" and maybe a little inappropiate, and things ended horribly....it was refreshing to see him. Since then we have conversed, and we talked about where we went wrong in 2009. He blamed me for cutting him off abruptly, but honestly due to the nature of the situation, it was the only way.

Fast forward to 2012 and I am having all of these mixed emotions about him. His feelings have not changed about me and I don't know if he wants us to pick back up where we left off, but if you knew where we left off...you would know that is impossible. I want to know and understand his intentions, but at the same time its like...why am I even considering this? We got into an argument tonight which resulted in me crying and getting off of the phone. I guess I'm just frustrated by the fact that every man that pursues me, belongs to someone else. I feel like I have been through so much, that I have no tolerance for anything anymore. But damn can you respect me enough to not pursue me while you are married? Just because you have no regard for your wife, doesn't mean that I don't.

Then I really got in my feelings really hard because it's like wow, am I that chick that men want to have on the side, but not good enough for marriage? I spent 4 years with someone that never even considered me to be a candidate for marriage. Ouch!!!!

The temptation is there, he knows how to woo me, and say and do all of the right things. He makes me feel wanted, appreciated, and beautiful, but I am so guarded, and with him I absolutely should be. So I am about to lace up my Airmax and run like hell, because this guy is nothing but trouble.