With Friends Like This...Who Cares About Anything Else

This weekend was AMAZING! I am still getting use to being off on weekends. I hung out with my Lindenwood Family and I really miss those guys. I feel like God handpicked everyone of them and placed them into my life for a reason. Its been a long time since I have been surrounded by sooo much love. I brought CB with me because I always talk about him and my LU crew hasn't had the opportunity to meet him so I was happy that he was able to join me. But being there made me wish that I would have left his ass at home. As I watched how all of my male friends treated their wives, they were affectionate, they served them before they served themselves and you could just really tell that they loved these women more than anything else in the world. But if you watched how CB engaged with me, you wouldn't have even known he was my man.  I am always so proud to be with CB and spending time with him is usually something I really enjoy. But hell when I bring him around my friends he always acts as if he doesn't even deal with me for real and I hate that shit. He comes off as if he is better and its like if you feel that you can do better than me, then DO BETTER!! I was so embarrassed by his behavior to the point that I was in tears the entire ride home. My thing is its been 5 years and I am arguing with you about getting permission to decorate in YOUR apartment, when in fact that shouldn't be an issue. At almost 30 and almost 40 we should be living together, saving money together, growing together and working our way towards financial empowerment because two is always better than one. Because at this point, I could give a damn about what your hair looks like, or what type of shoes and clothes you have on.  But he lacks that thought process and he only has tunnel vision for all things Chance, and anything outside of that is not even a factor. So since YOU are content and comfortable with living in YOUR apartment because no one in there pays bills but YOU...but YOU don't give me an option to even help YOU, because YOU would rather die than for us to coexist under the same roof, then maybe YOU need to explore other options. Because I KNOW I have given this 110% so I can walk away tomorrow and not feel bad because if you give something all you got and still fail, you can't be mad because you know that you gave all you had to give. My mom sat me down today and we had the heaviest conversation about my relationship with CB, and it hurt but all things said were very true. Do I want my relationship to be successful? Do I love my man with all of my being? Do I want to grow and spend the rest of my life with him? All of these questions can be answered with a confident YES! But will I settle and lose myself in this relationship, because I love him so much? Absolutely not! Tonight I will re evaluate the last couple of days to see were the communication broke down between us because I KNOW my delivery is not always the best. But I can honestly say our issues are just something that I can't fix....I just can't.